A Few Life Lessons I've Acquried from Going to Walt Disney World 8 Times as a Kid

By: 

Kimberly

As I was growing up in Columbus, Ohio, there was one thing I absolutely loved doing and was lucky enough to do: leave Columbus, Ohio. This resulted in my Dad taking me to Walt Disney World about eight times. While this may sound like enough to spoil a kid rotten, I feel I’ve instead learned a few life lessons that come with putting into practice all of the “WDW” tips you read in your very own guidebook made for kids, by kids.

 The guidebook that gave birth to my smarty-pants attitude toward "park-hoppin'".

1)   If you want to be sure to see everything, you better take advantage of Extra Magic Hour. It’s not everyday that you’re going to be able to walk right onto Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster first thing in the morning or while everyone else is scrambling to find a decent spot from which to watch the nighttime fireworks. It really is extra magical (and, well, sometimes a bit surreal, to be honest) feeling as though you’ve got the park to yourself and that group of really happy German tourists you seem to keep running into. Sure, you’ll have to wake up an hour earlier and/or miss the fireworks (which I never much cared for anyway) but you’ve got to consider when or if your parents will schedule another Disney World vacation. (Turns out I didn’t really have to worry much about that, but it certainly kept me on my toes.)

2)   Sometimes the ride has to stop momentarily. And it’s not your fault – unless you’re the d-bag who decided it was a good idea to hop out of the boat on Splash Mountain to take a picture next to your hero Brer Bear. (They have character meet-and-greets, dude!) But sometimes people simply need special assistance getting on or off a ride vehicle and we just have to be patient and wait, because they, too, paid park admission. Other times, shit just happens. The Pirates of the Caribbean is an old ride. One of the boats might be backed up and you’re stuck underneath the pirate dangling his hairy, greasy leg over the bridge. The thing is, however, the ride always starts back up again, and once you get off you’re probably going to want to go back on at some point. Kind of like your youth, only, yes, you can experience it again.  

(Source)

3)   Listen to your crying child as s/he begs not to get on Tower of Terror. It’s actually park policy not to let a crying child onto a ride, and thank God. Some parents seem to have it in their heads that an 8-year-old is going to get onto a scary rollercoaster kicking and screaming and somehow walk off a full-fledged adult with a stable, well-paying job and a suitable spouse. (Insta-parenting!) That is probably why parents tend to whisper harshly, “You big baby!” into their child’s ear as they are asked to drag their wet, soppy-eyed offspring from the ride just before getting on. Because only infants are scared of rides that are meant to be spooky! No ride at Walt Disney World, or any theme park for that matter, is going to turn your son into a “man”. If you’re spending upwards of $1,000 for a week’s vacation in the Happiest Place on Earth thinking that The Haunted Mansion will, say, teach your children not to be afraid of death, then you probably should have neither children nor $1,000.

4)   If you can keep walking onto Space Mountain or Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster and it’s not right after a meal, do so to your stomach’s content. Because next time you’re waiting 2 hours in line, you’re going to be kicking yourself. There’s something still mystical and relaxing about stepping into the cool, galactic tunnel that is the queue to Space Mountain. If I had the chance, that’s what I’d do all afternoon. So do it while you’re there, because once that cheerleading convention starts it’ll be rather difficult to beat those bouncy teenage girls with glitter gel in their hair to the Fast Pass machines.

5)   Apply these tips to life situations where you feel it’s appropriate, and you’ll be having so much fun that it’s criminal! Well, perhaps not always outside the Disney property of central Florida, but it taught me to get the most out of each trip without feeling cheated or ungrateful. And while I certainly recognize that Disney World and Real Life World are two entirely separate playing fields (I’m not necessarily Becca from Bridesmaids, so give me a little credit, here) it definitely takes some extra critical thinking skills to determine when and where to apply them. 

  Not me, but we could probably share some tips.

Overall, Disney World has not only taught me that trolls have eight fingers and eight toes (thank you, Norwegian pavilion at Epcot,) but also to be patient, take advantage of what opportunities come your way, and that you don’t have to be forced to ride a ride to learn these things.

Troll statue in the Norway gift shop at Epcot's World Showcase. Educational!

My year in three films

By Lani

So you all might be saying, “What have you been doing with your life since August, Lani?”
(Just kidding... none of you are saying that, but I am going to tell you anyways).

I Am Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

By:
Eryca

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl (or MPDG) is a fictional character stereo type that has been pushed around the entertainment industry for years. The term MPDG was coined fairly recently, after A.V. Club writer Nathan Rabin  saw Kirsten Dunst in  Elizabethtown (a movie I was never quite able to sit through) 

The MPDG is described as "...that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and it's infinite mysteries and adventures."  

This is a problem. To continuously perpetuate the notion that women are only there as character foils. Even if they are the main character in cases like Amélie (yes, I just called Amélie a MPDG)

But I'm not here to argue the validity of the MPDG. Or the fact that it's completely anti-feminist and pretty sexist if I do say so myself. I'm here to make it very clear that I am not, nor will I ever be, your Manic Pixie Dream Girl. 

For most of my teen years, I looked and dressed something like this:

and when I say "something like this" I mean, this is a picture of me when I was 15.

What can I say? I hated high school and this was my small little way of making the day to day awfulness ever so slightly bearable. 

Now, because of this "look" (which I have since grown out of, however I still wear those boots constantly) I have been perceived as somewhat "aloof" or "bubbly" as Nathan Rabin put it. Which, at 15, isn't such a big deal, except for the fact that I was trying so hard for every authority figure to take me seriously as I was galavanting around town with bubblegum pink hair. 

But as a 20 year old member of American culture it pisses me off that to most of the world, I am perceived as a real life version of the MPDG. 

"You like Indie Music? OH MY GOD YOU'RE JUST LIKE NATALIE PORTMAN IN GARDEN STATE" 

"You dyed your hair crazy colors? OH MY GOD YOU'RE JUST LIKE KATE WINSLET IN ETERNAL SUNSHINE"

"You're a bit manic and actually say what you're thinking? OH MY GOD YOU'RE JUST LIKE DIANE KEATON IN ANNIE HALL"

"You don't want to get super serious but you like hanging out with me? OH MY GOD YOU'RE JUST LIKE ZOOEY DESCHANEL IN 500 DAYS OF SUMMER"

Okay, so no one has actually said these things to me, and I am not claiming to be as attractive, or talented as any of those actresses. 

But every time I meet a guy who likes me in any capacity, that is what I imagine their internal monologue to be. 

(if you are a guy I've dated who is reading this right now, please, feel free to argue with me, I would be highly amused) 

Now, I'm not going to get into all this personal mumbo jumbo, but let me say this; I have a very strong feeling that part of the reason every single one of my "relationships" (or what not) has ended was partially due to the fact that I have been minimized to a movie character that does not exist in real life! 

I feel like I speak for all women who have ever been called "quirky" or "weird" as a compliment, when I say that we do not want to be boxed in your MPDG mind-box where you store all the qualities you think you want in a woman based on sexist stereotypes that help our society continue to place these "quirky" women on ridiculous pedestals based on the fact that they are cute, and the guy always gets them in the end (in some way or another) 

Why would any woman want to be reduced to a two dimensional fixture of the male imagination? Haven't we moved past this as a society? Women are (obviously) just as dynamic and interesting as men, why do we constantly need to be categorized  by the male writer-directors? The MPDG ultimately becomes this helpless female, a modern day damsel in distress. 

the A.V. Club illustrates it so perfectly "the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype is largely defined by secondary status and lack of an inner life. She's on hand to lift a gloomy male protagonist out of the doldrums, not to pursue her own happiness."

All women have an inner-life, come on now! Do we really need to see another movie with the MPDG? And do we really need to introduce the MPDG to a whole new generation of impressionable minds? I think it's about time we started writing better, more dynamic female characters! and not ones that are quintessentially adorable and run through IKEA in pastel colored clothing thankyouverymuch.

So just because I'm a tad neurotic, shorter than average, and on the cute side does not mean I am your dream girl. 

Okay, so I may be a walking clichè. I was born with dimples (which is kind of a deformity if you think about it) and I have a unique sense of style. But, this should not make me "that girl" this should not make any real person "that girl" 

So, for the last time, I am not, nor will I ever be, your Manic Pixie Dream Girl. 

On that note, I'm single and accepting applications on a temporary basis.

~Eryca 

Reading Pete Campbell's Star Chart

**YES. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS! AND MAGICAL THINKING!**

My Aim is True

By Lani

There’s a saying that actors love playing villains. I am not entirely sure that’s 100% true, but I’m particularly fond on the show Mad Men because it refuses to define it’s characters in the all-to-basic concepts of ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys.' From reading tons of articles about the show on the Internet (mainly written by people who have never seen the show, it seems) most people want to believe Pete Campbell is the villain. But the jokes on them, because Pete’s not the villain, he’s just a Capricorn.

Alison, my aim is true.

First there’s the whole business of his birthday. In the pilot episode (March 1960), he says he just turned 26, but no one gives him a belated birthday card or throws him a party, so I am assuming he means ‘just’ in a relative sense. His birthday could have been a few months before, in say, December or January... making him a Capricorn.

Capricorns! The Other Chosen People!

Speculations aside, what makes me really convinced that Pete is a Capricorn is Hazel Dixon-Cooper’s Born on a Rotten Day, which I purchase on sale at 15 (the peak of my magical thinking). The chapter on Capricorns reads like a character sketch of all of Pete’s worst traits. To Pete, Mad Men might was well be retitled Pete & Pete (where the second Pete is Pete’s ego, rather than his id as in The Adventures of Pete & Pete). In his mind everything is about Pete and Pete’s slow, bumpy, arduous climb to the top of the socioeconomic mountain. Capricorns are represented by the goat, and every goat wants to be the king of his mountain.

Where as to Don, the whole world looks like one giant whorehouse.

From the first episode we see Pete wants to pretty much Single/White/Female Don’s life away from him, while still looking to Don as a mentor and pseudo-father figure. He’s getting the pretty, rich wife, and he sets out to find himself a mistress and settles upon the naive, new secretary, Peggy. He woos her with sweet-nothings like:

I know, I know... you're swooning...

Every Capricorn loves to recite the tale of how he pulled himself up by his bootstraps to get to the position he’s in now. Pete, however, can’t really do that, he’s an well-educated, upper-class WASP. And his mother’s family, the Dyckman’s, just owned Upper Manhattan before the stock-market crash. He mostly just resembles a J.D Salinger (Capricorn, born Jan. 1st) character. 

No, we just think you're a phony.

This drive to reach the top is what pits him against Don, who the unofficial head of Sterling Cooper. I go on step further, that Pete attempts to blackmail Don out of jealousy; Don has the “bootstrap” story that Pete longs for. Pete also runs to Bert out of a sense of duty, he thinks he’s doing what’s right. But just as Dixon-Cooper paints it, Pete comes across as “pompous, domineering, social-climber waving Robert’s Rules of Order.”

I want your neck/I want the seat that you sit at /I want your cheque

Pete’s other rival around the Sterling Cooper offices is the fun-loving playboy, Kenny Cosgrove. In season three, under the new British management, both Pete and Kenny are up for the ‘Head of Accounts’ position. Of course, Pete wants the job so god damn bad he can hardly contain himself. Both he and Kenny are given the job, in a twist of weird British mind-play. Then a few episodes later, Pete is demoted, and Kenny, who once tackled a secretary to see what color her panties were, secures the promotion. Kenny is Pete’s foil and most annoying adversary, because Kenny has the ability to treat work “like its the most fun he’s ever had,” which how you gaslight a Capricorn according to Dixon-Cooper. 

HAHA! Buisness!

After Pete is demoted, he sulks the rest of the season. He’s frustrated and confesses to Harry: “I have no future here.” This invokes in Pete a kind of flippancy that we haven’t seen in him since he refused to go to the adoption agency with Trudy, losing him the Clearasil account his father-in-law got for him. This time Pete refuses to go to Margaret Sterling’s wedding, held the day after the Kennedy assassination. "It's all just business!"

I look for the news, somebody to abuse/ I look at myself, but its so chancy

/I see things that I don't fancy

Speaking of Pete and Trudy, they seem closer don’t they? Going out and dancing the Charleston together? Fucking adorable. But something still seems off. One would assume they are not doing it on the reg. The second Trudy leaves more than a few hours, Pete goes searching for somewhere to stick his dick and ends up kind-of raping the neighbors German Au Pair.

Cause you'd go silly if she's willing/ Trying so hard to be like the big boys.

Though, I can’t blame Trudy. I wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who never told me he loved me either. Sure Pete’s got close to saying the three little words, but he never gets it quite right. This is typical Capricorn behavior according to Dixon-Cooper too, “he may forget himself and choke out an, ‘I love you.’ Even if he marries you, he probably won’t say it again. He will figure that if he made it legal and allowed you to... stay home and wait on him, that’s proof enough.” The bad news for Trudy, is that Dixon-Cooper also says that Capricorns often marry for life. 

She's your baby now/You can't keep her

Pete leads a life of “do as I say, not as a I do” which Dixon-Cooper calls the motto of the Capricorn male. He expects “loyalty and blind devotion” and so far Trudy’s been more than happy to give just that. She shows up with sandwiches and wears nice dresses to the Christmas Party and all around looks the part of the perfect wife. But honestly, honestly, I can’t wait to see her undoing.

ATTN: 'Chop chop, Joey!' is the new 'Hells Bells, Trudy!'

As clueless as Pete is to Trudy’s pain (which is probably just lots of boredom) he’s even more clueless to any of Peggy’s suffering. (To be fair, for a long time Peggy herself was oblivious to Peggy’s suffering). But at the end of season two when she and Pete have that little chit-chat and he’s all like, “You have it so easy!” To which we all responded: WAT?! Are you high Pete? ... No, he’s just being a Capricorn again, “He’s condescending and completely oblivious to anyone's feelings but his own.”

She's no angel/He's no saint/ 

They're all covered up in white wash and grease paint

Pete is the “oppressed white man” because the only problems he can sympathise with or even see are his own. He can’t see that Peggy has infinitely more problems as the only woman copywriter at a huge advertising agency. He was just as oblivious to her pregnancy as she was and he doesn’t realize the repercussions of the situations effect on Peggy. When he cries, all I see in his tears are: Why can’t the good things all come at once? Why couldn’t my baby come out of my own wife?

Accidents will happen/ We only hit & run/ 

I don't want to hear it cause/I know what I've done

And as much as Pete says he loves Peggy and thinks she’s perfect, I don’t buy it. At least not fully. Pete is too much about Pete. He’s too worried about his own bag to even stop to thinking about carrying someone else’s. Pete tells Peggy this partially because deep down, he really does mean it. Capricorns have a tendency to deny themselves emotions, to channel them all inwardly. There’s so much intensity between Pete and Peggy because Pete is unable to express his emotions. (Let’s face it, Peggy and the rest of the characters are pretty unable to express their feelings too. Mad Men takes place in the ‘Swinging 60s’, but emotionally it’s characters are stuck in the Repressed 50s).

See that girl/Watch that scene/ NOT digging the dancing queen.

Pete’s other motivation for confessing his undying love to Peggy, I believe, is to pacify another coworker that he views as a rival. Pete is intimidated by Peggy. (He turns her off in the one moment where she’s feeling free to express herself as a woman--when she’s doing the twist. And what does she get? “I don’t like you like this.”) She’s a woman with power, not just as a creative, talented copywriter either. She has the power to black mail Pete the way he tried to black mail Don. And, if she was less naive, living in the present day, she probably would have blackmailed him--or at least sued him for sexual harassment.

Despite, or maybe because of all his baggage and flaws, Pete Campbell continues to be one of the best written characters on TV. Whether or not he’s Mad Men’s villain is up for debate, but he does utter the basic-cable show’s only, “fuck you.” The greatest thing Matthew Wiener achieves on Mad Men is commenting on today's society by using the past. Pete Campbell is the archetypal "that guy." That guy who's always has a smirk on his face. That guy that brags about his great-grandfather to impress people. That guy who is oblivious to everyone else and to the fact that no one really likes him. Pete Campbell is a proto-bro of sorts, the worst kind of bro: the kind of bro that has no bros, bro! And Vincent Kartheiser portrays Pete so well, that it disgusts and reviles (Kartheiser himself is pretty fucking weird too). I will watch the show, until Pete is the headcheese of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. And I will relate to him on a closer level than most, because, I too am a Capricorn.

While You Were Watching "Degrassi"...

By: 
Kimberly

Based on the articles I've written so far and my little blurb in the Contributors section, you all are well aware of my affinity for Spanish culture and language. That, I don't have to tell you. But I do have something else to tell you: 

I am also pretty obsessed with the Spanish television teen drama Física o Química. (Translation: Physical or Chemical or Physics or Chemistry) To give you a general, cultural perspective, it's basically the Spanish Degrassi. (Or, having premiered in early 2008, it could also possibly be Spain's answer to UK's Skins.) 

More specifically, however, the show follows the students and teachers of Colegio Zurbarán, a high school located in Spain's bustling capital of Madrid. What makes it interesting, of course, is the series of dramatic hookups, breakups, and rumors that circulate amongst both the students and the staff. (See? Spanish Degrassi, in Canadian and American terms.)

Students of the first season

However, I'm afraid I cannot compare specific characters, storylines, and events of Física to those of its Canadian predecessor. No, it's not that Física o Química is any better or worse than Degrassi, or that some things "just don't translate." (After all, we can agree that these are purely guilty pleasure shows, at least for those of us aged 18 and older.)

It's just that I can't enjoy Degrassi. At. All.

For one, I find the acting appalling. I remember sifting through television channels at the Degrassi-appreciative age and cringing in response to the acting even then. So I would wait until someone said "sorry", giggle, and then change the channel. Thus, I could never get into it.

All I know about this picture is that the kid in the wheelchair raps. Right?

One great thing about it is that each episode, or capítulo, lasts approximately an hour and 20 minutes long, so basically, if you were living in Spain, you'd have an entire feature-length film's worth of sex, lies, and Maxi Iglesias' piercing blue eyes every week.

So why and how do I like this and not "Degrassi"? Is it because I watch it to maintain my listening skills? (Maybe all that corny dialogue doesn't sound so corny in Spanish.) Is it the fact that the Pilot episode premiered when I was studying in Madrid? Is it because I want to put a nervous/confused Javier Calvo (who plays Fer, the only openly gay character until he gets a steady boyfriend in season 3) in every future film I hope to make? Am I hoping to recognize areas of Madrid in the background of exterior scenes? Is it because I eagerly anticipate who is going to be the new gym teacher each season? Maybe I'm just waiting for one of them to jumpstart his/her rap career.

Alright, fine, it's because of the hunky jailbird waiter of the cafeteria, Berto.

Whatever the reason, I'm sure a large part of it has to do with being there since the very beginning, during each character's arc. I hear there is an overwhelming number of seasons of Degrassi, so I suppose catching up with the current season (if it exists) isn't a task I hope to take on anytime soon. I was there when Irene, the philosophy teacher during the first four seasons, had her first day at Zurbarán and discovered that Isaac, her one-night-stand from the night before happened to be a student in her class. I was also there when Gorka, of all people, helped deliver the child of Olimpia, the hard-headed English teacher and former principal. I even watched as Fer's parents were relieved to hear that Fer was gay and not an alcoholic. 

As cheesy and silly as it all seems, it's an educational, (in terms of maintaining Spanish listening skills,) cathartic, and sometimes even vicarious way to be entertained. It works in the same way soap operas and telenovelas do, but I'd like to think that Física o Química has a much higher production value and a vague yet existing sense of cultural relevance. (There are definitely lessons to be learned in each episode, thus giving it a dash of "after-school special.") 

Julio (Gonzalo Ramos) was even a nazi skinhead for a few episodes, despite having a gay friend, a Chinese friend, and a liberal ex-girlfriend.

And I'm sure you Degrassi people can say the same thing for your beloved albeit often underdeveloped characters, such as: "I was there when Jimmy got shot."